How hard can it be to respond to a complaint? All you need to do is feign interest and sympathy, offer money (or at least free services) and you have a happy customer.
Not so, Pizza Express. Following a trip to their Gun Wharf branch last week (which was poor by their standards) I used their online feedback for to inform them that:
1) The corridor out the back (to the toilets) was so jammed with high chairs and a table it was diffiult to get through
2) The ladies smelt bad
3) The food was not up to the usual standard (pizzas burnt on the outside and soggy in the middle)
To be fair they tried to ring a few days ago, but I couldn't take the call and they never phoned back. Yesterday I got the following e-mail (line breaks are theirs not mine!):
-------------------------------------------
Good morning Nicola,
I am sorry to hear your visit to Pizza Express, Gun Wharf Quays was a
disappointing experience for you, the corridor to the toilets at present is
a little cluttered. due to the branch now storing a new type of high chair,
are old high chairs used to be stored a lot easier as we could hang them
up, but unfortunately we had a an incident where a child slipped out of one
of these chairs, which was a cause for concern so we had to look into getting
the upright highchairs. Alternative storage is being looked into.
With regards to the cleanliness of the ladies toilets, we do have a regular toilets
checks and it is down to the manager on duty to ensure this is being done at all times,
obviously on your visit this was not the case and I can only apologise to you and ensure
you that this is not usually the case.
I see as well from your visit that our food quality was below the standard to which you would
normally expect when visiting us here at Pizza Express, with pizzas being served to you
below the standard we strive to achieve here at Gun Wharf Quays, I am in no doubt that your
visit to us here was unexeceptable and would therefore like to invite you for a complementary meal so that we can restore your faith in our branch, If you would like to take us up on our offer
please to do not hesitate to call myself or Steve Hammond branch manager to make a reservation on 02392 832 939
Your sincerely
Francis Cosgrove
Deputy Manager
-------------------------------------------
Punctuation, spelling, English, proof reading it would seem are not pre-requisits for employment as a "Deputy Manager" - I shall respond ....
Thursday, 13 August 2009
Sunday, 5 July 2009
"Slack" - Donalds
What is it about McDonald's? It must be SO easy (and they have had years of practice) to produce rubbish food of no nutritional value in no time at all - and yet still, if you have the misfortune to go, they are poorly run, with teenagers behind the counter unable to string a sentence together, always having the effect of making you wish (at exactly about 10 seconds after entering) that the universe would implode and end it all for everyone.
This week I have visited a local McDonald's, in the role of generous and cool "Aunt"(!) only to find that:
1) half the restaurant wasn't air conditioned (just happened to be the half where the queue and food was) - on the hottest day of the year (only about 32c)
2) only 1 trainee was serving - so he was slow and the queue was long
3) said trainee really didn't get it - seemed to be struggling with the concept of ordering food and then going to collect it for someone, put it on a tray and give it to them - it is tricky. Certainly he couldn't cope with putting ice in drinks or pushing the right buttons on the till
4) half way through the queue, more staff arrived - hurrah? - no, a physically challenged one and another trainee ...
5) after getting the food (eventually) and sending it back because it was wrong (it was always going to be) ice cream was called for - back to the (hot) queue, this time to be served by the very slow woman with the limp (normally I wouldn't be bothered by any sort of physical impairment - however, in this instance, it impeded her ability to perform, so I was bothered)
6) ordered 2 ice creams from the woman (with flakes) - she disappeared round the corner and re-appeared, after a time, with said ice creams. She put them on the tray by the till and went to get the flakes (behind her). Disaster struck when the flake box was empty - turning to me she said "just popping to get some more flakes" - never were words less true - she limped off round the back of the restaurant at a pace that would have put a snail to shame (a la Julie Walters' waitress in Victoria Wood's "Two Soups") - as she turns to disappear all I can see is the ice cream, sat next to the till, melting ...
7) after some (not inconsiderable) time she limped back with a new box of flakes. She started to open them but, before completing the task, I ask for new (unmelted) ice creams - after some eye rolling she shuffled off again (slowly) and reappeared with 2 more - this time however, she has obviously had an argument with the ice cream machine and both are decidedly lop sided. She reached for the flakes and, on opening the box, it is clear that they have been sat out the back in the heat so, the minute she picked them up (with tongs I might add - they are very hygienic in McDonald's) they disintegrated into a million pieces on impact. Rather than entering into any sort of dialogue about whether or not the flakes are still required, she stuffs them (very ungainly) into the ice creams and hopes for the best. By this point, my will to live is being tested and there is little point in debating the merits of the flakes at this stage - I grab the ice creams and run ....
Perhaps it's just the heat that brings out the worst in these situations but my advice to you all is, if you get the chance to go to McDonalds (and you are not being emotionally blackmailed by a 5 year old) then don't!
This week I have visited a local McDonald's, in the role of generous and cool "Aunt"(!) only to find that:
1) half the restaurant wasn't air conditioned (just happened to be the half where the queue and food was) - on the hottest day of the year (only about 32c)
2) only 1 trainee was serving - so he was slow and the queue was long
3) said trainee really didn't get it - seemed to be struggling with the concept of ordering food and then going to collect it for someone, put it on a tray and give it to them - it is tricky. Certainly he couldn't cope with putting ice in drinks or pushing the right buttons on the till
4) half way through the queue, more staff arrived - hurrah? - no, a physically challenged one and another trainee ...
5) after getting the food (eventually) and sending it back because it was wrong (it was always going to be) ice cream was called for - back to the (hot) queue, this time to be served by the very slow woman with the limp (normally I wouldn't be bothered by any sort of physical impairment - however, in this instance, it impeded her ability to perform, so I was bothered)
6) ordered 2 ice creams from the woman (with flakes) - she disappeared round the corner and re-appeared, after a time, with said ice creams. She put them on the tray by the till and went to get the flakes (behind her). Disaster struck when the flake box was empty - turning to me she said "just popping to get some more flakes" - never were words less true - she limped off round the back of the restaurant at a pace that would have put a snail to shame (a la Julie Walters' waitress in Victoria Wood's "Two Soups") - as she turns to disappear all I can see is the ice cream, sat next to the till, melting ...
7) after some (not inconsiderable) time she limped back with a new box of flakes. She started to open them but, before completing the task, I ask for new (unmelted) ice creams - after some eye rolling she shuffled off again (slowly) and reappeared with 2 more - this time however, she has obviously had an argument with the ice cream machine and both are decidedly lop sided. She reached for the flakes and, on opening the box, it is clear that they have been sat out the back in the heat so, the minute she picked them up (with tongs I might add - they are very hygienic in McDonald's) they disintegrated into a million pieces on impact. Rather than entering into any sort of dialogue about whether or not the flakes are still required, she stuffs them (very ungainly) into the ice creams and hopes for the best. By this point, my will to live is being tested and there is little point in debating the merits of the flakes at this stage - I grab the ice creams and run ....
Perhaps it's just the heat that brings out the worst in these situations but my advice to you all is, if you get the chance to go to McDonalds (and you are not being emotionally blackmailed by a 5 year old) then don't!
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Institutional Sexism
It seems that, now Wimbledon is upon us again and we have all renewed our interest in "the tennis", that the BBC have forgotten how to behave.
This week, they have considered it amusing to compare the women players to birds (in a mock up of Springwatch - cunningly entitled "Gruntwatch"). On day 2 of their coverage, they opened their highlights show with the following quote:
"Welcome to Wimbledon, home to a vast array of birdlife, we waited and waited and suddenly we saw her, the Sharipova, elegant plumage and a truly distinctive sound ..."
Moving on to covering Sharipova's match, the programme continued, after mentioning an injury, to discuss which of the players was more fashionable - John Inverdale said "...there was divided opinion about whether or no t she [Sharipova] was more glamorous than her opponent ..."
It seems that now tennis for the women is about "birdwatching", obsessing over the un-ladylike noises made by the female players and debating their glamouress-ness.
It's 2009 and someone at the BBC thinks this is acceptable - it is not.
For the first time ever, I have complained to the BBC ...
This week, they have considered it amusing to compare the women players to birds (in a mock up of Springwatch - cunningly entitled "Gruntwatch"). On day 2 of their coverage, they opened their highlights show with the following quote:
"Welcome to Wimbledon, home to a vast array of birdlife, we waited and waited and suddenly we saw her, the Sharipova, elegant plumage and a truly distinctive sound ..."
Moving on to covering Sharipova's match, the programme continued, after mentioning an injury, to discuss which of the players was more fashionable - John Inverdale said "...there was divided opinion about whether or no t she [Sharipova] was more glamorous than her opponent ..."
It seems that now tennis for the women is about "birdwatching", obsessing over the un-ladylike noises made by the female players and debating their glamouress-ness.
It's 2009 and someone at the BBC thinks this is acceptable - it is not.
For the first time ever, I have complained to the BBC ...
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Old Men and Personal Space
What is it about old men and their complete disregard for personal space?
It is particularly bad if they are out on their own, or in the company of another man. They seem to have no regard for the fact that other people who are out and about (and going about their own business) are not interested in them, do not want to talk to them, do not want to hear them coughing/sneezing/blowing their nose and especially couldn't care less about any ailments they may have.
Anyone else had their space invaded lately?
It is particularly bad if they are out on their own, or in the company of another man. They seem to have no regard for the fact that other people who are out and about (and going about their own business) are not interested in them, do not want to talk to them, do not want to hear them coughing/sneezing/blowing their nose and especially couldn't care less about any ailments they may have.
Anyone else had their space invaded lately?
White Trousers
The weather has a lot to do with all our behaviour. Last week it was rain and this week, lots of sun.
People do very strange things when the sun comes out for the first time. The most bizarre of these is the startlingly large number of women who don a pair of white trousers and wear them to every occasion they can think possible.
The trouble is that - white trousers just don't look good in any shape or form. They are totally unforgiving, whatever your shape or size and they will simply accentuate all the bad bits. And, unless you are going commando, the whole world will be privvy to you underwear choices.
It is important to remember that, no matter how sunny it is, white trousers can never be justified.
People do very strange things when the sun comes out for the first time. The most bizarre of these is the startlingly large number of women who don a pair of white trousers and wear them to every occasion they can think possible.
The trouble is that - white trousers just don't look good in any shape or form. They are totally unforgiving, whatever your shape or size and they will simply accentuate all the bad bits. And, unless you are going commando, the whole world will be privvy to you underwear choices.
It is important to remember that, no matter how sunny it is, white trousers can never be justified.
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